One hand in my pocket

So the snow is persisting, as is the recurring head cold I’ve caught and passed onto my poor mum, but my spirits have finally come up from the post-Christmas slump, thank goodness. It was a combination of having a particularly good Christmas(es) at mine and my bloke’s respective families on Christmas and Boxing Day, and coming back to a harsh reality with a bump.

Resurrecting the excuse that I’m waiting to get Christmas out of the way only works now if you’re one of those insanely happy/mental people who start looking forward to Christmas again from the 27th of December onwards. Suddenly I needed to get my life in gear and sort out some full-time work, some life structure, and some physical activity before my muscles began to atrophy.

Can we call the 11th of January a sudden reinvention? Probably not, but I’ll take what I can get. I’m back to applying for jobs, getting in touch with people, working on scripts and even writing on this thing – amazing! I now have a brilliant work opportunity that does offer a little renumeration, and a lot of experience too, which should take me to the end of January, so I’m hoping this will lead onto more very good things.

I also have a meeting regarding several weeks’ amazing work experience but expenses only renumeration. Now I’ve seen this plenty and never had a problem with it before; I figured if that’s a way for you to gain experience, or do something for the hell of it, then go to. With the recession, however, and the recent BECTU ruling (which I only became aware of after setting up this meeting) I now not only feel like I’m careening on the edge of sanity by thinking it’s a legitimate way to get into a paid job, but if I don’t take it, loads of other people will, so I should just suck it up, SORN my car and put my life on a peg until it’s over.

Am I a mug for thinking this? Maybe. Am I a wimp at confronting them in case I don’t get any work with them again, ever? Yes. Joan of Arc, Rosa Parks, Buffy Summers, I am not. I am not leading a revolution by any means. I just want a job, and if I’m out of work for long enough, I may even lick the soles of my employers’ feet and tell them they taste of lemon drops.  Am I the only person to feel this way? I doubt it.

I am aware, however, this way of thinking is very very bad, and like my former grumps, I’m trying to get over it quick – getting my ‘hand in’ for argument’s purposes, isn’t going to change the way people do things, and it’s certainly not even going to make me rich! I don’t know what I’m going to say when I get the chance now; I’m still mulling on it.

I’m trying to work this around to a positive ending, because it feeling a bit dark now, and want to finish on a positive. The point I was trying to get to was that my mum bought my boyfriend and I a lottery ticket last weekend and we won a tenner, which was really quite exciting (especially before the other numbers had been read out). I will cash it in soon, but for now I’m keeping it in my bag. I think it’s so I can carry it around and feel a bit lucky.

The thought of carrying it around in my pocket reminds me of some of Ms. Morrisette’s other words;  “I’m broke but I’m happy”…

Advertisement